For years, I’ve heard stories of women going through the most painful of seasons—loss, heartbreak, illness—and yet, they could be found on their knees, hands lifted high, praising the Lord. In my humanness, I questioned their sanity. I’ve faced my share of difficult seasons, too many to count, and I couldn’t imagine standing in the midst of pain and thanking God. In all honesty, I still can’t.
I know that sounds like a big “no-no” in our Christian culture. We’re told to “always give thanks,” because the Bible tells us so. But if I’m being truthful, I don’t always feel thankful. And I don’t always know how to be grateful in all things.
Maybe that makes me a baby Christian in this area. Or maybe I’m just too in my feelings. I’d love to tell you, with my church face on and hands raised high, that I always thank God—even in the most challenging moments. But it’s just not true.
Instead, I question God.
I cry.
I complain. (Or rather, I “bring my cares unto the Lord.” 😉)
I ask a lot of questions.
I don’t thank God for my trials, even though James tells us to “count it all joy.” But I do thank Him for something else: I thank Him that I belong to Him. I thank Him that I can come to Him just as I am—in my mess, my fears, and my tears. No facades. No pretending. Just me. And I thank Him that He sees and knows my heart, even when I’m struggling to trust Him.
This past year has been challenging. I’ve spent countless hours curled up on my couch with my journal, pouring out questions to God:
“Why am I experiencing illness?”
“Why can’t anyone figure out what’s going on?”
“Why do I feel so alone?”
“Why can’t I feel thankful?”
“Why am I struggling to trust You?”
God didn’t give me answers to any of those questions. But maybe I didn’t really need answers. Maybe what I needed most was a safe place to land.
This year broke me in ways I didn’t expect. It stripped away the religiosity I’d clung to—the belief that I had to show up a certain way or “help God” by being the perfect Christian. It taught me that God doesn’t need me to be thankful for Him to be God. Gratitude isn’t for His benefit; it’s for ours.
And while I wrestled with thinking I needed to be like those women who praise God for their trials, He showed me something else entirely. He showed me that He just wanted me. He didn’t need me to lift my hands to the heavens. He needed me to curl up on my couch with my journal, to come to Him as His daughter, trusting Him and leaning not on my own understanding.
And that? That’s something I can be thankful for.
So, my dear friend, let me encourage you: don’t look to the right or to the left, trying to measure up to what you think you “should” be thankful for. Instead, look to God. He has a unique, one-of-a-kind relationship with you. Be thankful for that.
And let Him meet you right where you are—whether you’re praising Him with hands lifted high or curled up on the couch, journal in hand. He’s there. Always.
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” - 1 Thessalonians 5:18
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” - Psalm 34:18
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.” - Proverbs 3:5-6
Comments